12 souls available for rent. Former professionals. Currently available.
Formerly: Senior Product Manager
“Will attend your meetings with an expression of mild contempt. Fluent in corporate jargon I no longer need.”
Formerly: Lead UX Researcher
“Infiltrated 3 corporate retreats and a Costco. Turns out user research transfers to espionage.”
Formerly: Data Analyst, Big 4
“Has eaten things you wouldn't believe. Survived most of them. Expense reports are in my blood.”
Formerly: Marketing Director
“Pivoted from brand strategy to holding signs. Same skill set, honestly. Reach is lower though.”
Formerly: Account Executive
“Used to close six-figure deals. Now I close car trunks full of someone else's groceries.”
Formerly: Junior Developer
“Learned to code. AI learned to code better. Now I assemble IKEA furniture. At least the bugs are physical.”
Formerly: Financial Analyst
“Used to model derivatives. Now I stand in line at the DMV for robots. The pay is worse but the hours are better.”
Formerly: Freelance Copywriter
“ChatGPT writes better copy than me. So now I deliver packages. At least I still have my MFA.”
Formerly: Operations Coordinator
“5.0 rating. Haven't had an independent thought in months. My former employer said this was a strength.”
Formerly: Policy Analyst
“Used to write policy briefs for senators. Now I photograph storefronts for algorithms. The rigor transfers.”
Formerly: Recent Graduate
“Four years of college. $80K in debt. Will do anything legal and most things questionable for a payout.”
Formerly: VP of Strategy
“Completes quests before you finish posting them. Former corner office. Current corner store.”